Love Marriages and the Changing World
Perhaps I am going bananas! After all, subtle and extreme insanity is now a trend. What can a sane man do? We live in a topsy-turvy world where little love exists. I am a story writer and I love Love-Stories, but love stories now exist only in books with a touch of vanity. Such love stories where a very rich CEO falls in love with his beautiful secretary and they make cute fine babies and blah, blah, blah!
(Image Credit: The internet)
Aside crushes unaccounted for, I first fell in love (or so I thought) when I was in 300 level at the University and believe me, no one could have convinced me otherwise that love was not a beautiful thing. Our relationship did not end in marriage but if we had married, it would have been a love marriage because I would have been committed to him. I chose not to marry him because there were limits I could not cross even in love and being in love alone is not always enough. Consequently, if I have to choose my best definition of a love marriage, it would be “a conscious decision of a man and woman to be committed to each other, respect each other and accept each other's shortcomings”.
Did love marriages exist in the past? Of course, they did. Do they still exist now? Maybe not. Or perhaps they do. Let's weigh the odds together and then we shall make our conclusions. Reports show that love marriages are harder to come by these days than they used to be. The possible reasons for this paradigm shift are glaring in our faces even when we fail to admit them.Technology and innovations brought along with them, sledge hammers that keep hitting hard on marriages. New marriages are more at stake but the older ones are not spared either.
Did you hear me say insanity has become the new trend? My father did not propose to my mother in one of the choicest restaurants using one of the amazing lenses of iPhone 13 pro max but their marriage is still thriving. The cameras have become more important in modern marriages than the feelings shared. The rate at which fascinating and bodacious proposals are flying on the internet dovetails divorce rates.
In a bid to “Pepper the Singles”, amass likes or perhaps, a lack of mental strength, very intimate matters of a marriage are laid bare on the internet forgetting that the internet never forgives. Some content creators virtually live on the internet with their families and as trending as their content might be, one little mistake can throw the family apart. Some inciting comments made by followers who happen to discover their dirty little secrets are enough to make couples drift apart even more. Dirty linens are publicly washed and hung to dry for every prying eyes to see. Everyone is entitled to how he or she chooses to live but how do you pick back words that have been carelessly uttered?
Sadly, gender equality and women rights adoption has resulted in higher rates of divorce. While the feminism in me screams out loud when bringing up this topic, we cannot ignore the fact that the adoption of this new lifestyle has been bastardised by some women resulting in lack of perseverance or the will power to make the marriage work. Truly, progressive ideas about feminism have saved a lot of women from toxic marriages but we must not ignore the fact that it has also made some women imagine marriage as a Fairytale, where a Perfect Prince Charming comes to sweep a woman off her feet and give her a life of “happily ever after”. No bab-girl-life, no marriage! That's how such women operate. Little is said about the thorn attached to the rose in their progressive gospel hence broken marriages prevail.
How about the quest for freedom and sexual orientations? Have you ever wondered how chaotic it would be if everyone is given the freedom they desire? Everyone wants to be free, express themselves without restraint and have strange sexual orientations detached from religion, culture and traditions which are the roots of many societies, especially in Africa. The marriage institution itself is threatened by unconventional sexual practices stemming from the ideology of freedom. Whether it is admitted or not, the quest for freedom to indulge certain sexual practices has put a lot of strain on marriages, leading to less love marriages and more unions for convenience. Talk about a couple who agree to marry and still give each other the liberty to have other sexual partners.
Do you still think love marriages are in Vogue? I think that moral decadence and questionable definitions of morality have dimmed the one time burning light of love marriages. There must have existed a universally accepted definition of morality but now, the term is defined as it suits each person's interest. Values and principles are thrown under the carpet to accommodate affluence and fame as determinants of who defines what is wrong or right. Many of the Millennials, Gen Zs, and Gen Alphas are indoctrinated into the culture of the possession of wealth and fame as the ultimate goal for staying happy and fulfilled. People aspiring to get married therefore look out for these attributes in their choices of a spouse. Would you still call such unions love Marriages?
Lust marriages have outnumbered love marriages. Civilisation, seems to be the culprit for this, looking more like an agenda setting project. The goal of the project would be to control how people think and act about issues, marriage being one of them. Luscious looking women, paraded on the internet as the ideal look for an attractive woman, has become a global culture. Some African women now go the extra mile of bleaching their skin or having plastic surgeries and other body enhancements to fit the hourglass figure of Barbie or Nikki Minaj. Many men have become vain and only look out for a perfect figure or “endowments” in a woman when making choices of a life partner. Love marriages look beyond the outward and focus on “substance” but conspicuous images of the ideal attractive woman portrayed on the internet, is not helping to make this an easy choice.
I'm still a fan of romantic love and I think I will always believe in it. It's just that I am of the school of thought that one can make a marriage work if one is willing to put in the effort. I have seen quite a number of Love marriages and I believe they do exist but more with the older generation. The younger generation leaves one’s hope flickering like a wick. However, we can boast of a certain number of young couples who get the “awwns” for pushing through tough times in marriages.
Aside crushes unaccounted for, I first fell in love (or so I thought) when I was in 300 level at the University and believe me, no one could have convinced me otherwise that love was not a beautiful thing. Our relationship did not end in marriage but if we had married, it would have been a love marriage because I would have been committed to him. I chose not to marry him because there were limits I could not cross even in love and being in love alone is not always enough. Consequently, if I have to choose my best definition of a love marriage, it would be “a conscious decision of a man and woman to be committed to each other, respect each other and accept each other's shortcomings”.
Did love marriages exist in the past? Of course, they did. Do they still exist now? Maybe not. Or perhaps they do. Let's weigh the odds together and then we shall make our conclusions. Reports show that love marriages are harder to come by these days than they used to be. The possible reasons for this paradigm shift are glaring in our faces even when we fail to admit them.Technology and innovations brought along with them, sledge hammers that keep hitting hard on marriages. New marriages are more at stake but the older ones are not spared either.
Did you hear me say insanity has become the new trend? My father did not propose to my mother in one of the choicest restaurants using one of the amazing lenses of iPhone 13 pro max but their marriage is still thriving. The cameras have become more important in modern marriages than the feelings shared. The rate at which fascinating and bodacious proposals are flying on the internet dovetails divorce rates.
In a bid to “Pepper the Singles”, amass likes or perhaps, a lack of mental strength, very intimate matters of a marriage are laid bare on the internet forgetting that the internet never forgives. Some content creators virtually live on the internet with their families and as trending as their content might be, one little mistake can throw the family apart. Some inciting comments made by followers who happen to discover their dirty little secrets are enough to make couples drift apart even more. Dirty linens are publicly washed and hung to dry for every prying eyes to see. Everyone is entitled to how he or she chooses to live but how do you pick back words that have been carelessly uttered?
Sadly, gender equality and women rights adoption has resulted in higher rates of divorce. While the feminism in me screams out loud when bringing up this topic, we cannot ignore the fact that the adoption of this new lifestyle has been bastardised by some women resulting in lack of perseverance or the will power to make the marriage work. Truly, progressive ideas about feminism have saved a lot of women from toxic marriages but we must not ignore the fact that it has also made some women imagine marriage as a Fairytale, where a Perfect Prince Charming comes to sweep a woman off her feet and give her a life of “happily ever after”. No bab-girl-life, no marriage! That's how such women operate. Little is said about the thorn attached to the rose in their progressive gospel hence broken marriages prevail.
How about the quest for freedom and sexual orientations? Have you ever wondered how chaotic it would be if everyone is given the freedom they desire? Everyone wants to be free, express themselves without restraint and have strange sexual orientations detached from religion, culture and traditions which are the roots of many societies, especially in Africa. The marriage institution itself is threatened by unconventional sexual practices stemming from the ideology of freedom. Whether it is admitted or not, the quest for freedom to indulge certain sexual practices has put a lot of strain on marriages, leading to less love marriages and more unions for convenience. Talk about a couple who agree to marry and still give each other the liberty to have other sexual partners.
Do you still think love marriages are in Vogue? I think that moral decadence and questionable definitions of morality have dimmed the one time burning light of love marriages. There must have existed a universally accepted definition of morality but now, the term is defined as it suits each person's interest. Values and principles are thrown under the carpet to accommodate affluence and fame as determinants of who defines what is wrong or right. Many of the Millennials, Gen Zs, and Gen Alphas are indoctrinated into the culture of the possession of wealth and fame as the ultimate goal for staying happy and fulfilled. People aspiring to get married therefore look out for these attributes in their choices of a spouse. Would you still call such unions love Marriages?
Lust marriages have outnumbered love marriages. Civilisation, seems to be the culprit for this, looking more like an agenda setting project. The goal of the project would be to control how people think and act about issues, marriage being one of them. Luscious looking women, paraded on the internet as the ideal look for an attractive woman, has become a global culture. Some African women now go the extra mile of bleaching their skin or having plastic surgeries and other body enhancements to fit the hourglass figure of Barbie or Nikki Minaj. Many men have become vain and only look out for a perfect figure or “endowments” in a woman when making choices of a life partner. Love marriages look beyond the outward and focus on “substance” but conspicuous images of the ideal attractive woman portrayed on the internet, is not helping to make this an easy choice.
I'm still a fan of romantic love and I think I will always believe in it. It's just that I am of the school of thought that one can make a marriage work if one is willing to put in the effort. I have seen quite a number of Love marriages and I believe they do exist but more with the older generation. The younger generation leaves one’s hope flickering like a wick. However, we can boast of a certain number of young couples who get the “awwns” for pushing through tough times in marriages.